It
feels like an eternity since the first Games. An eternity, yet somehow as if it
were just yesterday, too. I try to reconcile the events in my mind—the brutal
killing, the finicky, manipulated playing field, the mixed emotions of unrelenting
love and competition. The last on that list is what has both plagued and kept
me upright since we were out there the last time.
The
things I saw won’t go away. The nightmares are constant, even in daylight, but
there’s still work to be done. The Capitol is gaining strength as the oppressed
districts are gaining a voice. And Katniss is their main target.
Katniss…why do I
still think of lying together under that cave, so wounded and defeated, yet
somehow safe because she was there too. I try not to wish myself back to that
cave, telling myself this freedom is better.
But this freedom,
however loosely that word can be used, is only a mirage. Our “love” is only a
mirage that is required in order for our safety to be secure. And now I’ve proposed publically to this girl
with an arrow whose love for me is rooted in something shifting and insincere. The
fact that there’s someone else doesn’t help, either. Her love for him is much
stronger, more concrete than whatever it is she feels for me.
I hate it. And now
we’re heading back into the arena for round two. The Capitol knows what’s
rising in the districts. It knows who the leader is and what it will take to
break her. I wish it would rather break me instead. I wish she could go home to
her mother and sister and shoot her perfectly positioned arrows at game other
than man. It’s not that simple, though.
No, we must be go
back. Like our “love,” it’s required of us, and the Capitol will kill us one
way or another, so there’s no point in rebelling publically just yet. For now,
all we can do is protect “the girl who’s on fire.” I don’t know where it will
lead, but hopefully she’ll be safe at the end of this. Hopefully I’ll be there
with her, too.
[Catching Fire by Suzanne Collins. Published 2009 by Scholastic]
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